tv stuff combined with celebrity crush stuff

I have a weird celebrity crush on Louis C.K. Recently I was watching an episode of his sitcom, "Louie," and giggling at him as he was on a date, and Abby said, "YOU want to go on a date with Louis C.K." She was right. I do. I want to go on a date with Louis C.K.

Also, I love "Dr. Katz." Here is Louis C.K. on Dr. Katz. Here's something else: I totally remember this scene from, like, 1996 or whenever, but I had no idea it was future-crush Louis C.K.

Lindsay Lohan, still totally dreamy

Lindsay Lohan's sister Ali was on a re-run David Letterman last night talking about her micro mini Maltese. I don't want to hear about some 14 year old's micro mini Maltese. That is just disgusting and probably illegal.Can we please write a movie starring Lindsay Lohan and I? I will learn to spell her name correctly (a, not e). I will put on my dress Converse all-stars (they're plaid).

call me when you're 25

I just watched that pregnant teenager movie, and Ellen Page and her sweater vests are so adorable. I want to give her the pinch-punch. Not in that way, sickos. She is like 12 and was born in 1987. 1987! Ellen Page, please call me in 2012, when you are 25, and I am, uh, 29. Yeah right. 29.

I'm psyched about the new Portishead album

I'm psyched that there's a new Portishead album. People born in the 1980's might think of Portishead as a "fondue band" (see the above-linked article from the New Yorker), but they are cheesy in the best sort of way, intense, like that roommate you had in college who was always scribbling into an ugly velvety notebook and having deep intellectual thoughts about the universe while doing too much speed. You might wince a little, but you know you love it.

Celebrity Crush Week?

Something just occurred to me: we have not been devoting nearly enough of our blog to celebrity crushes. I hereby designate this week Celebrity Crush Week, if no one is opposed. We can look at beautiful people all week in celebration of spring and breeding.

My first contribution is the beautiful and delicious Rocco Dispirito, which if you don't watch Top Chef and you have Bravo, you need to watch it for the rare moment when Rocco makes an appearance. (And also for Padma Lakshmi, who is actually probably hotter than Rocco, except that she used to be married to Salman Rushdie, which diminishes her hotness.) You can also see Rocco on Bertoli commercials, which diminishes HIS attractiveness for sure, because he can totally cook and in the Bertoli commercials cooks things that come in plastic bags. And his cooking is even hotter than his perfectly-chiseled cheekbones.

I discovered in my photo-hunting, though, that he's beautiful on film but not all that photogenic in regular photos. Just like me. And there are no pictures anywhere of him with his shirt off. Boo hoo.

Reggie Bush: the Ultimate Celebrity Crush

Wait, I was so wrong the other night when we were lamenting our lack of celebrity crushes. I DO have a new celebrity crush. It is my first crush on a professional athlete since Joe Montana. I don't usually have athlete crushes, except for like five seconds on foreign tennis players whose names I can never remember.

Backstory: Football season=my boyfriend becomes attached to the couch, covered in this ratty-ass Ohio State blanket he's had since birth. This blanket must also remain on the couch, much to my chagrin, during the entire season, which is like, half the year. (This was part of an effort to "compromise" by two people who hate compromise.)

I have a problem that whenever my boyfriend is home I want to hang out. I don't want to read books or do anything smart or productive. I suddenly have no identity. I just want to do whatever he's doing, which, during football season, means lay around and yell at the TV. You can see where this is going. I have been laying around watching football all the fucking time--and I had to find a way for it to be entertaining, because most football games aren't.

Then one day an angel sent down Reggie Bush. He's a....wait while I look this up...running back ...for the New Orleans Saints. I don't give a fuck about his athletic resume, but he did win the Heisman...sometime recently. The important things about Reggie Bush are as follows:

1. He is smokin' hot. You can witness this in Subway commercials where he is shown half-naked in a lawn chair biting into some giant, meaty sub. They also show him lifting weights, which is way less hot than watching him bite the sub.

2. He really has transcended from athlete-celebrity to just-plain-celebrity. There is a rumor that he's dating one of those fucking Kardashian people, and another rumor that he's dating Ciara. Either of those are disappointing. But they make him a true celebrity, which is better than just an athlete-celebrity, and definitely better than a lame-comic-book-celebrity like Dr. Manhattan, my previous celebrity crush.

3. He is currently injured...something with his...knee? Which means anytime you watch a Saints game, you get constant closeups of his face. I think they should put him in a lawn chair on the sidelines and just leave the camera on him, because it would be way better than watching a Saints game.

4. My boyfriend is totally jealous of my crush on Reggie Bush. Anytime the Subway commercial comes be, he says, "Oh, there's your boy, there's your boy," or "Oh, Reggie, oh Reggie, you're so hot," in a mocking tone. This is the most awesome thing of all. I think he'd try to kick Reggie Bush's ass if they were in the same room. And that would be totally hot to watch my boyfriend get his ass beaten by Reggie Bush.