Here's what I sent to McSweeney's:
Dear Editors,
Please forward the following letter to Lydia Davis.
Thanks and smooches!
Venom Literati
Dear Lydia Davis,
Venom Literati would like to invite you to our meeting tonight at Ginger's Ale House where we will be discussing Samuel Johnson is Indignant, as well as the hotly-debated theme of pee in literature. Have you written any pee stories lately? If not, could you please write one that we can post on our blog?
Actually, we might not get around to discussing SJII because we're all pretty much helpless in the face of the smoking ban. In other words, we will be turning to alcohol. Know this, Lydia: We will share with you our Skinny Bitches. When you share a Skinny Bitch, you are bonded for life.
Also, if we were the girl that turned into a tree that then turned into a stone, we would totally be the girl that turned into a gimlet that then turned into a cigarette butt.
Venom Literati loves you.
Showing posts with label samuel johnson is indignant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label samuel johnson is indignant. Show all posts
Friday, January 4, 2008
It is too late for Lydia Davis
Well, we haven't written an author letter to Lydia Davis inviting her to our meeting tonight, so it is highly unlikely that she will attend.
Oh well.
I like this photo of her because she looks startled.
And here is a link to McSweeney's Lydia Davis week, so we can all be up on our trivia--that way, maybe we'll actually talk about the book. Or not. You know, whatevs.
Friday, December 7, 2007
Jury duty
Samuel Johnson is Indignant is not our next book because I think we'll like it. However, I am going to write about my jury duty experience yesterday in the form of Lydia Davis' story "Jury Duty" as homage.
Q.
A. The smoking room had been converted into a "quiet room." There was better furniture in that room, like a sofa and a full-sized desk that made you look like the king of jury duty if you used it. Except nobody used it. Probably to prove they weren't better than anyone else. I thought about using it, but didn't want to draw attention to myself and encourage others to speak to me.
Q.
A. I did not utter a single word throughout the day to any of my fellow jurors. Once, when someone asked me a question, I nodded.
Q.
A. [nods]
Q.
A. These two older women talked for six hours straight. One looked like Cloris Leachman. Maybe not six hours straight. I don't know if they went to lunch together.
Q.
A. Well, it was the middle-of-nowhere suburbs, so there weren't many options unless you had a car, and since I was silent I hadn't made any friends with cars or otherwise, so I was stuck going to the Off Track Betting palace across the street. Old men love the ponies. I thought about asking one of them how it worked, but my attractiveness points shoot up in the suburbs and several of the old guys were staring at me open-mouthed, so I didn't want anyone to think they had a chance.
Q.
A. A portobello mushroom and spinach salad. I think the dressing was steak sauce.
Q.
A. I know! Like it's not like they tell you not to drink during your lunch break, but when it's two hours long and the only place within walking distance is this OTB place, it's really hard not to drink. They probably feel like they shouldn't have to tell you.
Q.
A. Diet Coke.
Q.
A. Whatever. It's over now.
Q.
A. Stop asking me questions. I have to make up for all the work I missed yesterday.
Q.
A. [Silence]
Q.
A. The smoking room had been converted into a "quiet room." There was better furniture in that room, like a sofa and a full-sized desk that made you look like the king of jury duty if you used it. Except nobody used it. Probably to prove they weren't better than anyone else. I thought about using it, but didn't want to draw attention to myself and encourage others to speak to me.
Q.
A. I did not utter a single word throughout the day to any of my fellow jurors. Once, when someone asked me a question, I nodded.
Q.
A. [nods]
Q.
A. These two older women talked for six hours straight. One looked like Cloris Leachman. Maybe not six hours straight. I don't know if they went to lunch together.
Q.
A. Well, it was the middle-of-nowhere suburbs, so there weren't many options unless you had a car, and since I was silent I hadn't made any friends with cars or otherwise, so I was stuck going to the Off Track Betting palace across the street. Old men love the ponies. I thought about asking one of them how it worked, but my attractiveness points shoot up in the suburbs and several of the old guys were staring at me open-mouthed, so I didn't want anyone to think they had a chance.
Q.
A. A portobello mushroom and spinach salad. I think the dressing was steak sauce.
Q.
A. I know! Like it's not like they tell you not to drink during your lunch break, but when it's two hours long and the only place within walking distance is this OTB place, it's really hard not to drink. They probably feel like they shouldn't have to tell you.
Q.
A. Diet Coke.
Q.
A. Whatever. It's over now.
Q.
A. Stop asking me questions. I have to make up for all the work I missed yesterday.
Q.
A. [Silence]
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