the hedgehog is coming!

It looks like we're getting 8+ inches of snow over the one day Spring Break tomorrow. Seek shelter or prescription drugs immediately. The Chicago Times is calling the godawful blend of snow and rain "snizzle" or "heart attack snow." I've decided to name it after something else excessive and past its prime (Ron Jeremy). If you can think of a nickname for the monstrosity, especially referencing autofellatio, post below.

it's going to be 55 next week

It's going to be 55 degrees in Chicago next week, people. Your next braindead assignment is to try to recall what you and your friends look like when not covered in 17 layers of thermal underwear. I imagine it will be just like that scene in the Jim Henson movie The Dark Crystal, when the evil Skesis attack a hunchback, ripping off all his clothes to reveal a terrifying birdlike creature, 10% of its original size.

I can't even remember what I look like. I think once my pointy ears appear, I will look like a Gelfling and will play a mystical flute while climbing mountains to save humanity. I feel bad for youth born after 1982 who missed the totally fucked up Dark Crystal and became E.T. people and probably sociopaths.

Braindead of Winter Activity Number Nine: Start an ambitious art project and then abandon it due to inclement weather and forgetfulness

I was working on a month-long art project on March 1 and 2, but then I suddenly went to Bloomington, Indiana. I intended to take my computer with me. I neglected to do so. I thought I would only have a day-long gap in the project, but then the skies of Indiana vomited toward the earth on our way home, and we stayed at a Motel 6.

That's Braindead of Winter Activity Number Ten, by the way: Stay at a Motel 6. The bedspreads are killer.

So now it hasn't been done for two days, which means that I've not worked on it for as long as I've worked on it, which means...I'll start it over again in April.

Braindead of Winter Activity Number Eleven: Wait till April.

Braindead-of-Winter Activity Number Five

Spend your extra day during the year working at your office job. Chuckle mindlessly when the Starbucks lady says calories don't count today because today doesn't really exist. Wonder if you might actually be friends with this Starbucks lady if a counter didn't separate you. Decide you wouldn't.

Order decaf.

braindead-of-winter activity #4: create a mindless journal like this dude.

This Robert Shields is super effin' awesome.

He has written the world's longest diary about...nothing. It really is about nothing.

When you hear him read some of the excerpts you'll believe me. Also Robert Shields is insane.

I heart Robert Shields. He is my new role model.

Braindead Activity Number Three

Do the dishes, make a large dinner, and then do the dishes again. Then drink half a glass of water, but don't do that dish.

After that, it will be ten o'clock and time for bed.

Braindead of Winter Month - Activity 2

A friend of a friend shows Pomeranians because he says it is the one thing in his life that's completely pointless. Activity two is to do something creatively pointless, something you are not good at, something half-assed. I made half a painting. I might finish it someday, but for now, I am basking in its empty whiteness and half-finished microphone.