Friday, December 7, 2007

Jury duty

Samuel Johnson is Indignant is not our next book because I think we'll like it. However, I am going to write about my jury duty experience yesterday in the form of Lydia Davis' story "Jury Duty" as homage.

Q.

A. The smoking room had been converted into a "quiet room." There was better furniture in that room, like a sofa and a full-sized desk that made you look like the king of jury duty if you used it. Except nobody used it. Probably to prove they weren't better than anyone else. I thought about using it, but didn't want to draw attention to myself and encourage others to speak to me.

Q.

A. I did not utter a single word throughout the day to any of my fellow jurors. Once, when someone asked me a question, I nodded.

Q.

A. [nods]

Q.

A. These two older women talked for six hours straight. One looked like Cloris Leachman. Maybe not six hours straight. I don't know if they went to lunch together.

Q.

A. Well, it was the middle-of-nowhere suburbs, so there weren't many options unless you had a car, and since I was silent I hadn't made any friends with cars or otherwise, so I was stuck going to the Off Track Betting palace across the street. Old men love the ponies. I thought about asking one of them how it worked, but my attractiveness points shoot up in the suburbs and several of the old guys were staring at me open-mouthed, so I didn't want anyone to think they had a chance.

Q.

A. A portobello mushroom and spinach salad. I think the dressing was steak sauce.

Q.

A. I know! Like it's not like they tell you not to drink during your lunch break, but when it's two hours long and the only place within walking distance is this OTB place, it's really hard not to drink. They probably feel like they shouldn't have to tell you.

Q.

A. Diet Coke.

Q.

A. Whatever. It's over now.

Q.

A. Stop asking me questions. I have to make up for all the work I missed yesterday.

Q.

A. [Silence]

5 comments:

flabby-abby1973 said...

how do only 3 women have 10 babies in 2 days? what is wrong with this fucking world..oh i just said it....fucking.
don't fuck freaky egg women with a million eggs...over easy, if you catch my drift.
it said 100 little fingers 100 little toes. i'm gonna puke!

Kathy said...

a. what in the world is abby talking about

b. now i really want to read samuel johnson is indignant

c. i love it when you have conversations/interviews with yourself

d. the only reason you guys didn't talk about the book last time was because i wasn't there to force the conversation. we can still read good books. all you bitches have gone crazy.

Sarah said...

1. You may borrow Samuel Johnson is Indignant.

2. My most interesting conversations are usually with myself (keep in mind that that includes all members of Venom Literati what with us all being the same person and shiz).

3. Abby is talking about fertility drugs and how many fingers and toes that can cause.

4. Love in the Time of Cholera is a good book, k+. Get on board.

xoxo,
Tee Minus

Megan said...

did you tell them you're racist, or that your whole family has been imprisoned on crack charges? that's how you get out of these jury things.

i will read samuel johnson is indignant, but not that other terrible book.

Sarah said...

No, there were no calls for jurors at all the whole day. I was simply not needed.

Maybe Samuel Johnson is Indignant actually should be our next book. Who cares if we like it and don't talk about it?