Thursday, July 3, 2008
hancock totally kicks winnipeg's ass
Last night I was forced to see Hancock, that movie where Will Smith is an anti-Superhero. This movie kicks Winnipeg's ass for many reasons. Also, I haven't seen Winnipeg, I just thought it was funny to think about this movie kicking that movie's ass. Here are the reasons why Hancock is awesome:
1. I knew nothing about this movie before I saw it. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Hancock is a drunken superhero that everyone hates. Whenever he saves the day, he is drunk, and breaks people's houses and cars, all with a handle of whiskey in his hand. Also he is not afraid to kick kids' asses. I think that I am Hancock, or that Hancock is me; we are like that "Borges and I" story, or like the father and son in EB White's essay "Once More to the Lake."
2. Obviously Hancock is a very literary film.
3. When Hancock drunkenly flies around with his handle of whiskey, the special effects are SUPER bad, like from the '70's, which makes him seem even more drunk, and which makes the director seem drunk, too. Everyone in this movie is drunk all the time.
4. There is one scene where Will Smith's ass is totally visible. He has a really good ass. I had never noticed his ass before. I wanted more of it. That would be my one change I'd make to this movie: more ass.
5. Hancock's greatest skill is his ability to (literally) shove peoples' heads up other peoples' asses. This is how he fights crime, mostly.
6. Jason Bateman is in this movie. Jason Bateman is awesome. I have a gigantic crush on Jason Bateman. Also Charlize Theron is in this movie, and she is super hot, and also a superhero. You don't get to see their asses at all. That is disappointing. (See #3.)