Thursday, July 3, 2008

hancock totally kicks winnipeg's ass


Last night I was forced to see Hancock, that movie where Will Smith is an anti-Superhero. This movie kicks Winnipeg's ass for many reasons. Also, I haven't seen Winnipeg, I just thought it was funny to think about this movie kicking that movie's ass. Here are the reasons why Hancock is awesome:

1. I knew nothing about this movie before I saw it. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Hancock is a drunken superhero that everyone hates. Whenever he saves the day, he is drunk, and breaks people's houses and cars, all with a handle of whiskey in his hand. Also he is not afraid to kick kids' asses. I think that I am Hancock, or that Hancock is me; we are like that "Borges and I" story, or like the father and son in EB White's essay "Once More to the Lake."

2. Obviously Hancock is a very literary film.

3. When Hancock drunkenly flies around with his handle of whiskey, the special effects are SUPER bad, like from the '70's, which makes him seem even more drunk, and which makes the director seem drunk, too. Everyone in this movie is drunk all the time.

4. There is one scene where Will Smith's ass is totally visible. He has a really good ass. I had never noticed his ass before. I wanted more of it. That would be my one change I'd make to this movie: more ass.

5. Hancock's greatest skill is his ability to (literally) shove peoples' heads up other peoples' asses. This is how he fights crime, mostly.

6. Jason Bateman is in this movie. Jason Bateman is awesome. I have a gigantic crush on Jason Bateman. Also Charlize Theron is in this movie, and she is super hot, and also a superhero. You don't get to see their asses at all. That is disappointing. (See #3.)

9 comments:

Kathryn said...

this is a stunning review. thank you megan.

flabby-abby1973 said...

there are naked ladies in Winnipeg. AND a dance of the adolescent boners...so...it's better...I think.

Alicia Pernell said...

this is a good review.

i <3 jason bateman...

Patrick Roberts said...

Hancock looks like interesting spin on the latest superhero movie craze... if nothing else at least Will Smith tends to be pretty funny

matthew said...

megan, i totally know when it is you writing a post way before i get to the bottom where it says, post written by megan

i am drunk

Megan said...

matthew you are nice. lately i fear that i have no voice of my own. now i feel better. thank you.

Sarah said...

You are funny. Now I understand the joke about the handle of vodka from last night.

Meghan said...

I like this review. Did I tell you about the time in Seattle I got hired as a full-time movie critic, but my first movie was called "My Dog Spot" which I didn't go to, and then I got fired but not because of My Dog Spot? My boss got fired and he had forgotten to tell them he'd hired me. Maybe he didn't even work for a newspaper. I kept my press pass.

adwin356 said...

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