Friday, May 2, 2008

Swissotel Woman

See that there picture? It is of the Swissotel. That is where I am right now; on the 28th floor, exercising my rights as a hotel woman by playing on the internet and being glum.

Last night while I was waiting for Garrison to get done working I took a bath in our bathtub, which was not as gigantic as I had imagined; also there was no whirlpool, and the free bath products were not even Bath and Body Works or anything good: they smelled like air. The bath was sort of a sad experience. The lighting in the bathroom is really good, so I could see all of my slackerliness in full view: the darkest, longest leg hairs, the gunk under my toenails, etc. So I shaved off all my body hair. Haha, no I didn't, but I did clog the drain. No, I didn't, but the very white bathroom looked disgusting after I shaved, which had probably not happened in a couple of weeks. The hotel-light made me feel very guilty, but also very accomplished post-shaving. It made me want to go up to the penthouse workout room/pool, which you have to pay for, and lay on the floor naked with Wayne Koestenbaum and talk about red turtlenecks.

Also I didn't know there were Swissotel bathrobes in the closet, and was sad to find them after I was already dressed and sitting in front of our window, which looks out on a bunch of office buildings and a piece of the lake, staring out and thinking about where all of the people below were going. I decided all the people below had money, and that they were going somewhere awesome, like the businesspeople I'd seen sitting at Houlihan's having after-work drinks in a big group. They all looked happy and also beautiful and very tan.

Now it is thunderstorming. This is no fun. But it sort of is fun. I think I'll meditate or something. I think I can only meditate in hotels.


Anonymous said...

This is a good day to be a hotel woman. You should probably email Wayne and find out if he's in the area.

Your story made me very, very jealous. I wish I were at the Swissotel.

flabby-abby1973 said...

it sounds like our hotel women experience in evanston. i want to do that again.

flabby-abby1973 said...

you should try the motel6 in bloomington! that is a beautiful hotel. the shampoo smells like air because there is no shampoo or clock or face soap or hair dryer. just a bed one chair and a 12" tv. you can't close the bathroom door while the toilet seat is down. it was $32.

Jack Morgan said...

I stayed in a hotel near Florence called the Albatross once that cost like €25 or something. The bathroom just had a drain in the middle of it, so the whole room was a shower. If you wanted to take a bath, you would have to stop up the door jamb with a towel and flood the whole bathroom. But the light was flattering.

Meghan said...

The "soap" in a Motel 6 is a multi-purpose body-wash, shampoo, deodorant and toothpaste. It would also be bubble bath, if there was a bathtub. The miniature towels are made so that you can dry each zone of your body separately, with seven different towels. No one knows what to do with the washrags. I think they are in case of fire. More importantly, where in the hell is Megan? I hope you are not at that Sofitel near Ohare airport.