Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Things I Learned From My Students Yesterday

I have been so absent lately because my students are eating my life. This is a good thing. Everyone should have something that eats their life. Sometimes I'd like at least a little nibble of it, but then I'd just get depressed, so it's better that they go ahead and devour it so I don't have time to think. Beachwood is probably eating Missy's life right now. Whenever we are sad, we should all feed our lives to Beachwood and she can digest them and expel them in the form of sunshiney Beachwood farts.

These are things I have learned from my students yesterday:

In Latin America and probably elsewhere, soccer teams choose the colors of their jerseys according to what their countries produce. Wine=purple jerseys. Corn=yellow. Coke=white, as in Columbia. (I am making that up. Can we have a week where everything we post is made up?) The Chicago Fire soccer team chose red as a reminder of that gigantic fire caused by the cow way back when.

Children should not be given candy at movie theaters because it causes them to spaz out and disrupt everyone during the movie. Candy at movie theaters should be banned.

People who ride the bus, especially members of specific ethnic groups, smell bad. Children at homeless shelters are dirty and they smell bad, too, but they still have fun on Halloween.

When many of my students were young, there were these lollipops from Mexico that had your fortune printed on the stick. An example of a Mexican lollipop-fortune: "You will have six children." I think that is an inappropriate fortune for a young girl. But I'm jealous that I didn't grow up on fortune-lollipops.

At AA meetings, people may look tough and scary, but really they are good people who believe in God. Gangbangers may also look tough and scary, but really they have nicknames like chicle (bubble gum).

That's all I learned yesterday. I love my students. They can eat my life whenever they want.


Sarah said...

Yesterday I learned that everyone downtown has Veteran's Day off. There were so few people on the street that Abby and I thought there was a zombie infestation that had killed off half the city.

Megan said...

do you think robots are scarier, or zombies? i think robots.

Sarah said...

Robots. Because zombies eat your brain, and then you become one of them, so while what they do to you is painful, it is not prolonged. Robots are scarier because they enslave you.

Kathy said...

i am afraid of falling in love with a robot. because i would try to hug it, and it would extend a sharp prongy thing and electrocute me. but i would be so in love with it that i would keep hugging it and it would keep shocking me and eventually i would lose all of my hair. and then i would shout, "you have no heart!" and weep bitterly because it would be true.

i am not that afraid of falling in love with a zombie. i am not attracted to zombies.

Meghan said...

You're the best. I've decided not to fire you this week. Can you bring me a fortune lollipop though? I think they sell them at the Mexican candy store on Cermak.

Megan said...

i am going to find those lollipops and bring them to our next meeting. kathy, you have the heart of a zombie and want to eat everyone's brains. admit it!