Thursday, January 3, 2008

I am so glad to be back from Iowa I could pee on the floor!

(Sorry, that was inspired by Prathna Lor, and also by Kathy's excitement about pee in literature.)

I just spent way too many days in Iowa, and discovered that it wasn't ME all those years--Iowa makes me suck. My symptoms include: short temperedness, dark circles, feelings of aortal explosion, intense awareness of arm flab, saying "that's GREAT!" in a high-pitched voice about everything that is really not great, the desire to flee any and all things remotely related to marriage, and general self-hatred alternating with extreme narcissism. While there, I also experienced NPR withdrawal and overblown cravings for Jolly Ranchers--a lethal combination. Now that I am home, I feel smarter, but all my symptoms still linger, making my usual existence impossible, and especially difficult for my boyfriend, who has offered to murder Iowa for me. Our meeting on Friday will restore me to normal. I am praying for it, just as the Iowans do.

See that picture? My home town under weird, looming clouds? That is how I feel in Iowa.


Anonymous said...

It was not you. I feel exactly the same way.

The only reason I enjoyed my trip to CR was because I was in a house bubble the whole time. Had I ventured outside, it would have been the death of me.

Megan said...

good--i'm so glad you stayed in. i sent you that text on my way home after a night of c.r. "nightlife." i was praying that you would stay in.

Anonymous said...

Yikes. You'll have to dish at the next VL meeting.

G. F said...

I never offered up such a violent act a place I have spent no more time than what it takes to drive through....I couldn't punish a place for being what it is.


Anonymous said...

that photo depresses me greatly

Meghan said...

I think you should teach a class on Iowa next semester. Everyone would be humbled. And we've already got the crosses in the rooms.