My own personal top 9 alternative career paths

1. Life coach (catchphrase: "Quit dickin' around!")



2. Biometrician (specializing in being able to identify others by their walk)



3. Entrepreneuse (with my very own chain of book clubs called "Book It")



4. Professional tape-ball player
   
   
5. Millionaire (duh)



6. Writer (whatever)



7. Whiskey critic (Irish preferred)



8. Movie director (provided that an already-famous movie director is willing to adopt me)



9. Data entry