Forgive me if nobody else gives a fuck about this, but I think it is so funny. As you all know, my true career aspiration is to be a criminal, preferably a thief of rubies. I hate police (Thanks, Iowa City PD), and love stories where the law enforcement system fails and criminals totally succeed because of it.
Also I like stories about gangs because some of my old high school students, who were sweet as pie, were in them (mostly girls, forming girlgangs--is VL a girlgang?) or dating people in them. It was always like, "Wait, I just met your boyfriend and he was so cute and nice...and now you're visiting him in prison because he shot somebody in the face???"
So I heard the other day on NPR that the newest moneymaking scam among Chicago gangs (including the Black Disciples and the Vice Lords, two of Chicago's oldest gangs) is neither drug- nor gun- related.
The latest moneymaking tactic among Chicago gangs is fucking mortgage fraud.
The system backfired as follows: once gang members started getting sent to Federal rather than State prison for gun and drug charges, they got the opportunity to hang out with white-collar criminals. And they totally took that opportunity to discover that not only is mortgage fraud waaay more lucrative than drug or gun sales, but if you get busted for it, you do less time.
So they'll buy a house and get a fake appraisal and sell it and sell it until they make a shit ton of money and then they abandon the mortgage.
I like how this story redeems gangstas by revealing their true genius. I also like that it clouds the typical image of them: they aren't really THAT badass that they just looooove drugs and guns--they just want the goddamn money. Yeah, I know they do a lot of horrible shit, and I won't get all political and into my feelings about the billions of systems that created the problem...
Really I just like the image of Chicago gangstas brainstorming with/becoming whitecollar criminals and also of them buying houses. I think they should all go up to Winnetka with they shawties and buy up entire subdivisions. And force snotty realtors to cart their asses around while they tell stories of the 'hood...
I'm gonna stop now. I am scared of hate mail from randoms.
4 comments:
That's pretty awesome. And, yes, we're a girlgang. Once you're Venom Literati, the only way out is if Kathy eats your face.
The word "Realtor" is trademarked, and members of the National Association of Realtors will put a cap in your ass if you don't capitalize the 'r'.
Also, I refuse to be jumped into any girlgang (quite the opposite of jumping a girlgang, I assume), but I will remain on the board of directors or advisors of your gang. And my sister can get you a great rate on a mortgage loan.
a cap in my ass; girlgang advisor; ha ha ha ha, oh, that's funny. we need to say "cap in yo ass" about everything now. weren't we supposed to have a vocab list? let's do it.
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