Syphilis Is Back!

This is the quote I saw on the tail end of a Chicago bus this morning while I was driving to work: "Syphilis Is Back!"

As if Syphilis had just returned from a long hiatus, war, or exile. As if Syphilis was the name of the husband or puppy who mysteriously disappeared a decade ago, and now he has shown up on your doorstep: panting, drooling and humping your leg. As if this is something we should all be jumping for joy over. As if we should be gratefully baking cookies for Syphilis and hanging Welcome Home signs.

What does this have to do with Venom Literati? This is a blatant example of exclamation point abuse. Clearly the phrase should read: "Syphilis Is Back." And have a picture of a looming shark underneath it or something. Here the period would denote the seriousness of the topic, whereas the exclamation point completely confuses the tone of the statement, en-chippering it.

Beneath the quote is the question: "Have You Been Tested Lately?" Which is fine, but it reconfuses the already confused tone. I don't know how to say this: it just doesn't work. My fear here is that this could cause an epidemic. People will be lining up to get their Syphilis. The infected will be charging for it. The whole world will go crazy as Nietzsche did after suffering from it for years. (I heard somewhere that he actually enjoyed it; it made him super horny and manic-y.) Okay, so maybe this will be a good thing...

(On a side note [I can't bring myself to make an actual post for this], Kathy, you have inspired me to make a blog. (Background music: that song that goes, "you give meaning to my life--you're the in-spir-a-a-tion.") It is a writer's diary. It will be me bitching about writing, writers, not writing, punctuated by moments of extreme hubris.

It is called Slightly, Briefly Illumined. Right now it is BO-RING. If it continues to be boring I will rid myself of it. That is all. But yes, we must all have our own blogs.)