Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Dear Novelist

Hiya David Markson,

You are invited to our meeting.
So said Venom Literati, just before they tried to leave the internet through the fireplace.

We have questions only you can answer. If you like, you can bring many notecards filled with quotes from other people and answer our questions evasively--or even at random. That could be fun.

We just want to see your sunshine-y face.

Smoochers,
VL

Edit and add at will, ladies.

8 comments:

Megan said...

...in no particular order...


If you come to our meeting, we can all embrace our chach-bag writer sides together by peeing on sculptures and insulting other geniuses who are not as smart as we are.

What is the most chach-bag thing you have ever done? You are a writer, so there must be a lot.

Is your mother as much of a chach-bag as Schopenhauer's was? Do you think Schopenhauer loved his mother anyway? Do you love your mother? We are not sure about how we feel about our mothers. How should we feel?

Megan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Megan said...

we should also mention wayne, so as to feign credibility.

Sarah said...

Oh, definitely.

Kathy said...

i want to add something but i am getting a neck cramp.

tell him writing gives us neck cramps. what should we do?

Sarah said...

Hiya David Markson,

You are invited to our meeting.
So said Venom Literati, just before they tried to leave the internet through the fireplace.

You see, our new best friend Wayne Koestenbaum recommended The Last Novel to us. And now that we've read it, we want to talk to you.

If you come to the meeting, we can all embrace our chach-bag writer sides together by peeing on sculptures and insulting other geniuses who are not as smart as we are.

We have questions only you can answer. If you like, you can bring many notecards filled with quotes from other people and answer our questions evasively--or even at random. That could be fun.

Here are some sample questions:

1. What is the most chach-bag thing you have ever done? You are a writer, so there must be a lot.

2. Is your mother as much of a chach-bag as Schopenhauer's was? Do you think Schopenhauer loved his mother anyway? Do you love your mother? We are not sure how we feel about our mothers. How should we feel?

3. Writing gives us neck cramps. What should we do?

4. What book should we read next?

Looking forward to seeing you on Friday!

Smoochers,
VL

I'm looking for his address now.

Sarah said...

Oh yeah. Dave doesn't have a computer. I am emailing the letter to Shoemaker and Hoard for them to pass it along.

Megan said...

this letter is hilarious. it's funny how you called wayne "our new best friend." i had something about that in my initial post, in those exact words. then i deleted it.