Monday, October 29, 2007

Yay For Auntie-dom

I am an auntie for the first time ever! This is SO good. Upon moving in with boyfriend and his kitty Mr. Cake, I instantly went from "weird girl who steals my space in the bed" to "mommy" with no buildup to mommydom whatsoever. Of course I also went instantly went into controlling mommy mode, where Gato was not allowed outside by me, and where I became very preoccupied by his grooming (ie: why don't you put on a dress? why don't you fix yourself up, sweetie?), and where, even though people who do this drive me crazy, I can't stop talking about that damn cat wherever I go.

I have never wanted to be a mommy. I have only wanted to be an auntie. A cool auntie. I never really had a cool auntie. I have one weird estranged auntie who always came late for Thanksgiving dinner and then stayed for like half an hour and drove the four hours back home. That one had cool aunt potentail, because she dressed way younger than she was and always talked like she was stoned. Then I have another auntie who is semi-cool and semi-artsy and makes super-greasy, weird tacos and buys Mis and I matching pajamas for Christmas. But I only see her like once a year.

But now that I'm an auntie, I am going to be cool and buy Beachwood special treats and ridiculous toys to spoil her with, and go hang out just to play with her. I'll never have to discipline her at all, and I will be eternally beloved. I can let her take the car out for a spin when she isn't old enough and get her drunk every once in a while, too. Yay for Beachwood, just think how cute she'd look all dressed up in a little racing helmet drunk-driving a red sports car...

Oh, don't worry, Mis, I promise to never buy her outfits.


Missy said...

i fear that i may be unable to discipline beachwood due to the enormity of her cuteness.

i yelled at her once yesterday and she looked so scared that i immediately felt like the worst person on the planet.

she will become a spoiled brat because not only will her auntie bring her special treats and play with her all the time, but so will her mommy. my boyfriend will have to be the enforcer. and i know that he won't be.

before i called him last night, i said to beachwood, "let's call daddy"...i then told him i said this and he laughed a very uncomfortable laugh.

he may not come back...and then i will be a single mother. but at least i will have beachwood to keep me warm.

Anonymous said...

If that heel leaves you because of Beachwood, there's gonna be hell to pay.

Also, I am going to buy her outfits. You have to start 'em young.

Kathy said...

just spray her with water whenever she does something bad. it works and it's hilarious. win-win.

Meghan said...

I am so glad Beachwood has a really strange family now. Whatever terrible family mistreated and abandoned her must now suffer from lack of Beachwood as their eternal punishment. My cats send their warm regards.