Monday, October 15, 2007

Things to do in Denver when you're drunk

1. Attend the Great American Beer Festival, where you will meet some of the skeeziest nerds on the planet.

2. Spread the use of the word "chach bag" to people from out of town, so that Venom Literati's global footprint increases in diameter.

3. Go to Starbucks.

4. Go to La Boheme, downtown Denver's most high-end strip club, where you can gaze upon 165 (for the most part) extremely skinny young ladies clacking their transparent stacked heels in the air.

5. Spend all night performing a carefully choreographed dance with your hotel mates that revolves around bathroom use and the effects of mixing 47 billion different kinds of beer.

6. Develop an aversion to the phrase "milk stout."

7. Play EightBall, an intricate and just-invented game (by EggBoy and me) that will make pretty much everyone (but EggBoy and me) want to kick your face off. (For rules, email I am an EightBall evangelist.) Hint: It does not involve billiards.

8. I just realized I should have made EightBall number eight. But I am too lazy to switch it.

9. Recognize that people you like tend to marry other people you like, and then be happy about that.

10. Play The Game (known to some as Circle of Death) and feel the restorative effects of watery beer on a body battered by "good" beer.

11. Pet cute dogs.

12. Be disappointed by what Denver has to offer, in terms of culture and cuisine.

13. Be interested in the seeming contradiction of the representative Denverite's basic philosophy, which can be boiled down to, "It's fun to shoot things and also think about peace."


Meghan said...

Are you really in Colorado or is this some trashy new dyke bar I'm unaware of? Either way, you can borrow my silver cowboy boots.

Anonymous said...

I was in Colorado for three days. Now I am in Chicago again. I wish I had known you had silver cowboy boots before I went.

Meghan said...

They probably wouldn't fit anyway. My global footprint is much larger than most people would think.

Megan said...

8balls are for cokeheads, crackheads, and the like. which is definitely you, sarah.

when friends you think you like marry people you don't like, it necessarily means that you didn't like your friend to begin with and that you should never have been friends.